I want the fairy tale

I believe in the fairy tales.

* I want a marriage that will make my friends wish their relationship was 1/2 as good as mine is with my husband.
* I want to love him with every fiber of my being everyday of the week and twice on Sundays.
* I want him to adore me without hesitation, doubt or question.
* I want he and I to be the couple that other folks can't stand to be around because we are so into each other.
* I want to him to reach those places in me that only my God and I know.
* I want to go to those places in him that he hasn't been to since he was a boy.
* I want to trust my husband with my very life and have him trust me with his.
* I want an honest relationship, calling each other out when our sh*t stinks and praising each other when deserved.
* I want to be second only to his God, not his family, children, job, etc.
* I want us to be each other's bestest friend in the whole wide world.
* I want to consume him and be consumed by him.
* I want to explore our sexuality, our fantasies and go to the place of intimacy where two become one.
* I want a marriage built on communication, trust, dependability, respect and forthrightness.
* I want us to laugh and cry together.
* I want to walk beside him as equals in life; behind him to support his hopes & dreams; and in front of him to shielding him with prayer & encouragement; and I want the same from him.
* Yes, I want it all and then some and you'll notice, I'm not asking anymore of him than I would give of myself.

It may be a fairy tale, and I may never find this kind of love. Does that mean I don't look for it?

Waiting for me

I travel a lot for my job. I'm constantly getting on & off airplanes, which I don't mind; I enjoy flying, traveling and meeting new people. The annoying part is when I land at my home airport, I have a routine:

1. head to baggage claim
2. use lavatory in baggage claim area, not as much traffic as terminals
3. wait for luggage
4. get luggage and proceed to parking shuttle
5. flag down appropriate shuttle and board
6. arrive at parking lot and get dropped off at car
7. drive home

It is steps 3 and 7 that cause me some hesitation...expressing my angst in twitter-ese.

1. No one is there to meet me at the airport and no one is there to meet me at home....#suckit
2. Empty house after long business trip...#Fail

Getting to Happiness

At the SXSW keynote address, Zappos.com CEO, Tony (@zappos) suggested we do this, that and the other thing to get to the end result of happiness, thus why not cut out the middle steps and get to being happy (serious paraphrasing on my part)...makes a lot of sense.



So, what makes me happy, truly happy?
Is that the goal for my life, to be happy?
Do I want to be in a perpetual state of happiness?
Is my purpose in the universe to be happy or to even pursue happiness?
Do I know what happy is?
Will I be able to recognize it?
When I have been happy?
Who have I been happy with?
In a relationship, a man and woman will say to each other, "you make me so happy." Is that possible? Doesn't that then mean they can make the other unhappy? Do I want to give someone the power to make me happy or unhappy?
Is happiness a form of contentment and satisfaction or vice versa?

Too many questions and I don't have answers...yet.

what I'm feeling

I can't believe the depth of feelings I have for him.
I wake up, he's in my thoughts.
I go to bed, he's in my dreams.
Throughout the day, I see him everywhere, the slightest thing reminds me of him, us.
We barely know each other and its like we've known each other for years.
We have so much in common and not just the normal stuff; its as if we are in each other's heads.
He is gorgeous, with a beautiful smile, broad shoulders, strong hands and bright, sensitive eyes.
I'm head over heels in desperately deep like for him.
This isn't infatuation or lust, I've turned down opportunities with other men because I believe in him and our feelings for each other.
We can be excellent together; I know it with every fiber of my being.
I hope I don't get hurt, and if do, 'tis better to have [liked] and lost than never to have [liked] at all.

My Life

It is mine and I'm taking control...right here, right now.

My parents had 0-21.
They gave me life, taught, raised, nurtured, supported, fed, clothed, housed, exposed and loved me.

I willingly gave 21-29 to Harper, Jarvis and Patrick.
They took, used, mistreated and left me.

I willingly gave 30-39 to Ronald and Marvin.
They made me laugh, loved me in their own way and left me.

I'm willing to give him 40-until.
He will love, respect, value, appreciate, make love to me.