Friday, August 13, 2010

"They" Can K*ss My Ass

Me: I am single.
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

Me: I have an advanced education, a home, a car and couple of side businesses.
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

Me: I have traveled outside of the country on numerous occasions.
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

Me: I have ridden in helicopters, swam with dolphins and jumped out of a plane.
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

Me: I have a family that loves me, friends who care about me and a man who is into me.
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

Me: I'm a ballroom dancer, foodie, social tech power-user and enjoy crossword puzzles .
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

Me: I'm happy, fun-loving and enjoy my life.
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

As you can see, I'm living my life and not waiting for anyone or anything. No matter what I do or accomplish, seemingly, all that matters to them is "You've never been married and you don't have any children." The second "they" begin paying my mortgage, buying my food or start sending me on vacation, then I'll actually give a damn what "they" think.

I have a 52 yo girlfriend who won't wear a ring on her fourth finger because she is saving that finger for wedding ring...seriously. This mindset, saving or waiting for a husband before this or that is silly. Sisters, live your lives...stop waiting for anyone or anything.

Monday, June 21, 2010

How do you define yourself?

I enjoy reading the Twitter bios people write about themselves. They often tell so much in so few characters. Those bios let you know right away who you're speaking to, what they most likely tweet about and most importantly, how the person views her/himself.

While Twitter is growing and more people are becoming personally transparent, the vast majority of us, even in the social media space, are still trying to become who we want to be. We are projecting who we want you to know, how we want you to perceive us and the manner in which we want to communicate. So what, people have been studying this for years. We all have up walls, let certain people see certain sides of us...big deal. In fact it is a huge deal, what happens when our perception of ourselves, however true or contrived, comes crumbling down?

Let's look at a case study:

Delia considered herself a career woman. She had worked her way up the corporate ladder and had the trophies of success. When she found herself laid off and unable to find a comparable position after several years of searching, she was devastated. Her career defined her, and when that was gone, she didn't know what to do with herself.

She lost her home, down-sized to an apartment and eventually lost everything she had put in storage. She let go of her social life, claimed she was "too tired" to do this or that. She retreated into her apartment, not going anywhere or doing anything. She fell into depression and even considered suicide at one point.

Her friends prayed with her and for her. They shared what they had with her and continued to love her as they had always done.

She eventually got a new job and began to put her life together. Her decade long ordeal changed her perception of herself to one that isn't reliant on external forces, but is based on internal gifts, talents and abilities.

How do you define yourself?
Is your perception of yourself dependent on external things?
If thing(s) were to change, how would your self-perception change?

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Here I go again...or do I?

Of my serious relationships, I haven't had one with a guy who was "there." He was either on his way up "there" or leaving "there." He was either looking for a job, starting new career or in school and/or didn't have a home of his own...seriously. Then without fail, once they've gotten their shit together, we break up. Seemingly after I've supported them and am ready to reap the rewards of my patience and sacrifice, I get jipped.

I wonder what that's like, to date someone who is already "there" and established.

I find myself in a similar position again. He is great guy, we have a lot in common, have fun together and can talk to each other. When we started "dating" (go with me here) he was employed, then right as we decide to serious, he loses his job and moves away to begin a new career. He says he'll be back here in a year to be with me. He's is leaps and bounds ahead of the others, he owns his home where he's moved and in just the few weeks he's been gone, he's already accomplished some things to indicate his seriousness about coming back to me, plus he makes an effort to communicate with me everyday.

I've helped, supported, encouraged so many men, only to be left with memories and unfulfilled promises and dreams. Do I dare give it one more shot? Do I yet again put energy into building someone else up? Do I get my hopes up again for yet another possibility?

I once read: 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Yep, I'm going for it.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

strong ALL the time

It's tough being strong ALL the time. I want some down time. I want to let down my guard, relax and let someone else do it, handle it, settle it and take care of it.

Is marriage the answer...not necessarily. I know plenty of people in jacked relationships. Not only is one person bringing home the bacon and frying it, s/he is also milking the cow, gathering eggs and tending the vegetable garden. No thank you!

I can (and am) already do all of that without the baggage of someone sucking more life outta me.

I want someone else to take care of stuff for me, if only temporarily.

I want someone else to keep the train on schedule, if only from here to Union Station.

And, I want someone else to make my damn dinner for a change, if only spaghetti.

Yeah, I'm's my blog.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

From friends to....

We were just supposed to be friends with fuss, no muss...that plan disappeared quicker than my straight hair on a July day in DC.

We had nights when were together and actually slept.
We had nights when we cuddled and I do not cuddle.
We had nights when we talked, shared and established true intimacy.
We were burgeoning on a real relationship.

Just as we were about to do this thing, the rug got pulled from under us. He had to move 500 miles away for a job. This is when it hit me, I really care for this man and I want him in my life.

He is a renaissance man. He has a master's degree in software engineering, and he is a gifted musician and song writer. Plus, he's an award winning restaurant manager and chef, who makes a serious smack-yo-mama spinach omelet.

He is fun. He likes to hang out or chill at home. He enjoys listening to classical music and bumping & grinding to Ludacris. He has a nice sense of humor and laughs at my silliness.

He appreciates me. He likes the fact that I can converse on a wide range of subjects. He respects my knowledge of football and digs the fact I'm a ballroom dancer.

It's pointless to ask why this has happened to me. All I can do is face my feelings and deal with them...I miss him. The good news is, he misses me too, so I'm not on this cliff alone.


Sunday, February 14, 2010

Music for the Female Soul

February 13th was Madly in Love with Me Day. I say, everyday is madly in love with me day.

I want women to bookmark this post. Whenever you need a pick-me-up or self esteem boost, come here and get what you need to hold on, get through, overcome and excel.

I want men to bookmark this post. Whenever a woman in your life loses her pep, stops smiling or is too tough on herself, send her this link to find encouragement and strength.
  1. Ya Gotta Be Des'ree
  2. I’m Every Woman Chaka Kahn
  3. A Woman’s Worth Alicia Keys
  4. RESPECT Aretha Franklin
  5. New Attitude Patti LaBelle
  6. Single Ladies Beyonce Knowles
  7. Golden Jill Scott
  8. Before He Cheats Carrie Underwood

  9. No Scrubs TLC
  10. No More Drama Mary J. Blige
  11. Unwritten Natasha Bedingfield
  12. Breakaway Kelly Clarkson
  13. I Don't Need a Man The Pussycat Dolls
  14. Redneck Woman Gretchen Wilson
  15. Single Natasha Bedingfeld
  16. Bitch Meredith Brooks
  17. Miss Independent Kelly Clarskson
  18. Too Little Too Late Jojo

  19. Survivor Destiny’s Child
  20. I Will Survive Gloria Gaynor
  21. Control Janet Jackson
  22. Expression Salt N Pepa
  23. U.N.I.T.Y. Queen Latifah
  24. Goodbye Earl Dixie Chicks
  25. Independent Women Destiny's Child
  26. Just Fine Mary J. Blige
  27. It's Not Right But It's Okay Whitney Houston
  28. Irreplaceable Beyonce
  29. Keep On Walking CeCe Peniston
  30. Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves Annie Lennox and Aretha Franklin

Let me know the others I should include in this list.

Friday, January 8, 2010

From Prince Charming to a Baron...D*mn

In my teen years, I wanted the fairytale: the castle, Prince Charming, and happily ever-after.

In my 20s, I wanted the fantasy: fame, fortune, adventure, a Duke and happily ever-after.

In my 30s, I wanted the dream: passion, romance, travel, an Earl and happily ever-after.

In my 40s, I want it ALL and more: love, passion, travel, romance, adventure, joy, happily ever-after, laughter, peace and I'll take a Viscount or Baron if one is hanging around, maybe.

And yes, I've kissed more than my fair share of frogs, and still no Prince Charming.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

How to date me

To date a Scorpio woman, a man must realize that she is a highly sexual being that is aroused by power.

Man the f*ck up!
You say you want me, then come and get me!
I can't stand a punk-a$$ beotchy man!

Monday, January 4, 2010

a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush

My sistas, we will overlook the great opportunities ahead, the grand adventures to come and the splendid times that await, if we stay focused on not being married. I am not anti-marriage or against loving, supportive, healthy relationships; however, I refuse to base my contentment, my happiness and my existence on what I don't have. I define me, whether or not I'm with a man only lets folks know I'm gettin' it on regular.

As Grandma used to say, "a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush," and my hands are overflowing with dreams to fulfill, goals to meet and the desires to feed. Until I choose to have a relationship, I'll be livin' the single life.

Friday, January 1, 2010

My 2010 Prayer

This is my 2010 prayer for us.

To whomever your Creator be,
I pray you receive all your mind can conceive and your heart can receive.
I pray you take the path less traveled, walking in the sunshine and singing in the rain.
I pray you smile everyday, laugh often, give freely and receive openly.
I pray you have peace of mind and contentment of spirit.
I pray you have unspeakable joy and love of self.
I pray you have abundant blessings.