Monday, March 31, 2008

Blog Relaunch - Name Change

You may have noticed that I changed the name of my blog. As I mentioned when I started this site, it's about finding my authentic self, and while my weight is a big part, it is only a PART of the journey. So, to be true to the journey and to myself, I had to change the title. I would have taken this one down and started a new blog, but I didn't feel like it. This is a perfectly good site and I like what I've done with it so far, just needed to update the name.

I come to a couple of realizations about the journey, I thought it started when I started the blog, actually it began when I was born. I know, deep; I can't stand folks who are deep all the darn time, so I'll try not to be one of them. Further, I will speak in the 1st person. It would be easy to speak in the plural and generalize, but that isn't authentic. There isn't a "we" or "us," there is only a "me." Also, I won't be speaking of myself in the 3rd person. Why do people do that? It is finger nails on chalkboard annoying. Finally, I will always tell you the truth, not because I want to, it is always easier to fudge, skip, delete or "forget" details; however, you deserve the truth. As someone on this journey with me, taking the ride, seeing the sights and buying souvenirs, you deserve the unadulterated truth at all times. Now, that being said, I may change names to protect the innocent, the guilty and to avoid being sued, but the facts will be true blue.

Thus, the real journey to myself is taking place every second of minute of every day and it's gonna be a hoot. I'm on my way world, look out!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Houston, we have a problem


I've eaten an entire box (13 pieces) of chocolate covered macadamias. I didn't do it at one sitting or in one day, but still, it's a shame and a sin. My mother has this great way of excusing certain behaviors, which I'm about to employ.

It's okay to eat whatever I want because I'm on vacation. Not being on vacation is gonna suck.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Time Out

I'm taking a time out.

I'm on vacation in Hawaii and I want to enjoy myself, and yes, that means eating what I want, when I want and prepared how I want. I'll regroup when I get home on Wednesday, April 2.

Talk to you in a few days.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

D-Day is approaching

My birthday is 7 months and 26 days from today, and I haven't done a dang-blang thing to get to my authentic self. I'm not eating right or exercising on a consistent basis. I've fallen off the wagon with my vitamins and water intake. AAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

Well, it isn't all bad. I'm blogging a regular basis, which is first for me. I've tried keeping journals and diaries for years with no success. I have stopped watching as much television as I was a month ago (thank you writer's strike for helping me break the habit). I'm dancing 6 times a week (3 double lessons) and am ready for my next competition in a couple of weeks. BTW, I'm ready to publicly admit that my ballroom dancing is one of my passions. Yes, I love it and I don't ever want to stop doing it. I know that "admitting the addiction" is the first step to a cure, but I don't ever want to be cured of this.

I leave for Honolulu in a couple of weeks and I have to buy a swim suit. I had hoped to at least be down 1 dress size by now, but to no avail. I'll have to get one in my size, which is "healthy." I'm told, "I carry my weight well," what the hell does that mean? I'm fat, but it's okay because I'm not sloppy or smelly or I'm fat and you know to dress for your size so as not to draw attention to access pounds. Whatever the meaning, I don't want to carry anything more than I'm supposed to as a 5'7" woman.

I'm trying to convince myself that it will be easier in the spring and summer because I'll be able to walk outside...b***sh**! I won't do anything about how I look until I'm sick & tired of looking the way I do. This is where the problem lies, I look pretty good for a fat chick. I do dress well to cover, hide, camouflage, etc. those problem areas. I keep my hair done, know how to wear make-up and put out a positive attitude of self confidence and self assurance, regardless of my weight.

So, what to do? How do I jump start my determination, invigorate, motivate and agitate my current state of mind?

Monday, March 3, 2008

Weighing Me (us) Down

As part of getting to my authentic self, I'm getting healthier, losing weight, exercising regularly and paying attention to what I eat. One of the easiest ways to lose some unwanted pounds is to put down some of the baggage I've been carrying. It is harder than it sounds; like my hips, I've had some of that stuff for a long, long time.

Just like extra body fat, we can get used to the emotional baggage. When our bodies expand horizontally, we buy bigger clothes with spandex to offer the "comfort fit." In the same manner, we create comfort fits in our minds as well, to the layman they're known as excuses. However, our hearts never fail to feel the effects of our outwardly appearing emotion comforts.

Physically, our hearts work harder to pump blood through miles of arteries, traversing fatty tissue along the way. Emotionally, our hearts work harder as we expend it's most precious gift loving those who don't, won't or can't love us back.

Well, I'm getting rid of ALL of my excess weight; the physical and emotional pounds are holding me down holding me up and holding me hostage to a dream of comprised of wouldas, shouldas and couldas.

All I can say is watch out for what is coming this November. My authentic self is going to be AWESOME!