Wednesday, December 30, 2009

On being a single Black woman

I'm not going to expound on this video, rather just offer a few insights from someone who's been where these women currently find themselves.
  1. As startling as it may seem, single women are single by choice. Every decision we've made and its subsequent consequence has led us to this point in time. We may not want to admit it, but we must face it in order to learn and grow. We have to examine our relationship decisions, hopefully learning from them, and making better ones in the future.

  2. Getting married is easy, being content and satisfied in the marriage is hard as hell. If all we want is to get married, have our day in the spotlight with the dress, flowers, gifts, reception, etc., then that can happen without much effort at all. However, if we want a contented and satisfying life, then we have to stop looking outside of ourselves at what we don't have and treasuring and nurturing the relationships we do have.

  3. Throw whatever Man Qualifying Checklist you have in the trash. In our twenties, we all had the list: he had to be this tall, this complexion, work here, drive this, live there, go to this church, had attended this school, yada, yada, yada, plus be supportive, kind, loving, blah, blah, blah. As we got older, the list got shorter and the priorities began to shift. We have to focus on those qualities that truly define a person of character and forget the BS. No one's obituary has ever listed their credit score, the car they drove or how many suits they had.

  4. Reality is a bitch. The truth of the matter is that many of my sistas and I may not ever get married. It is a hard, cold fact of life, and one that used to keep me up at night. We are social beings by nature and nurture; however, not being married should not stop us from living the best possible lives we can. No man (or woman) should ever have the power to determine the quality of our lives.

  5. Finally, as a former choir director once said, "it is better to be single and want to be married, than to be married and want to be single." Amen! I know too many people in horrible marriages, he cheated, she lied, she's lazy, he's trifling and so on and so on and so on. Everyone hopes for the til death do us part, but the US divorce rate is 50%...the odds are not exactly with the house.
To my sistas, keep your heads held high, make smart choices and learn from your past, learn about yourself and live to your fullest.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 spite of Life

I tweeted this earlier today, "I'm sick of people using life as an excuse not to live."

Life is going to happen: jobs will be trying, children will be selfish and family will want attention. As long as we live, life is going to get in the way of our living. We do the right things: we go to school, eat our vegetables, pay our taxes, teach our children to say "please" and "thank you," and life still throws us curve balls, sliders and change-ups. So what do we do?

We keep living...we don't let life get in our way. We can't let life keep us down, stress us out, break our spirits or consume our thoughts. Life is no excuse for not living to our fullest potential. So often I hear people putting their lives on hold because of life, and I'm not saying there aren't times when life demands our attention, such as with an illness, death, job loss, etc. I am saying that we must do everything in our power to not let life control, manipulate and take over our lives.

Life will go on with or without us, so why not live?

Monday, December 21, 2009

he ADORES he says

He told me, "I adore you."

According to, to adore means "to regard with the utmost esteem, love, and respect; honor; to like or admire very much."

This is wonderful. To have someone feel this way about me is amazing and to have someone actually say the words to me is humbling...if only I believed him.*

He says he adores me, but only calls about once a week.
He says he adores me, but hasn't taken me out since my birthday in November.
He says he adores me, but hasn't spent any time with me in over 6 weeks.
He says he adores me, but rarely accepts invitations to do things with me.
He says he adores me, but has canceled dates at the last minute or stood me up altogether.

He says one thing, but does other things that are completely contradictory. If this is how he adores me, I liked it better when he only kinda liked me.

You don't have to pee on my head and tell me its raining. I get the message loud and clear; he's just not that into me.

*Cleaning house for 2010.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

What I learned in the Blizzard of 2009

From the Twitterverse:

It's cold. I want a woman in bed. Sorry. It's true.
My reply: @Neilochka I['m] right there w/ you...I want a man in my bed *sigh* singledom

I had a wonderful day yesterday. I had all of the necessities for surviving the Blizzard of 2009: food, alcohol, toilet paper and the internet. I cooked, drank, watched some DVDs and had a ball with my tweeps. And though I was alone, I wasn't lonely...until it was time to go to bed.

Thus, I find myself in conflict this morning, as someone who doesn't believe in regrets and the subsequent wouldas, shouldas or couldas of life.
  • It would've been nice to have someone to snuggle up with, even though I'm not a cuddler per se.
  • I could've put up with a little snoring in lieu of the deafening silence of the snow covered streets.
  • Having someone to share my food and adult beverages with would've been fun.
  • Maybe I should have called him, we would've kept each other company.
I don't like these feelings, the doubt, uneasiness and lack of confidence; generally being off my game. This ain't me. I'm intelligent, confident, and other words, I am that woman. I've had these feelings for some time, and while most people probably haven't noticed, I haven't been at my best for about a year or so.

I have allowed people to bring confusion, drama and mess into my life, thus bringing me down. I don't blame them, they are being themselves. The responsibility of how these people have effected me rests completely on my shoulders...and I'm not taking it anymore. I am in control of me, my mind, my heart, my life.

I am that woman...I am intelligent, confident, decisive, creative, strong and wonderfully made in my God's image.

My search for authenticity begins with me.

This is it...I'm done being what you want/expect me to be...I'm going to be who I am, if you don't like it, get over it or get to steppin'.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Now is the time

Time to let go of the excuses...
Time to let go of the bullsh*t...
It's time to walk the talk!
Who's with me?!?

Friday, December 4, 2009

He Heals Me

I heard this for the first time last night and almost had an accident because my eyes were filled with tears. I pray we find this kind of friendship, companionship and love at least once in our lives.