Cold Turkey

This was the first time in a llloooonnnnggggg time I haven't spoken to Marvin on a weekday/weeknight. We have our patterns and habits and breaking them is awful.

I want to talk to him. We make each other laugh; we discuss politics, current events, movies, etc.; we yell, holler and cuss at each other; and we always talk to each other about our lives. The worst part, I can't call him. I deleted his numbers from my cell phone (to avoid falling into temptation, this isn't the first time I've tried to leave him) and I don't have them memorized.

I want my friend!

Turning 40 is becoming a pain in my fucking ass with all this self reflecting and self improvement bullshit. I was perfectly fine in my imperfect state of delusion, denial and self-destruction.

Damn, damn, damn!!!!!!!!!!!!! (throwing punchbowl on the floor)