"They" Can K*ss My Ass

Me: I am single.
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

Me: I have an advanced education, a home, a car and couple of side businesses.
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

Me: I have traveled outside of the country on numerous occasions.
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

Me: I have ridden in helicopters, swam with dolphins and jumped out of a plane.
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

Me: I have a family that loves me, friends who care about me and a man who is into me.
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

Me: I'm a ballroom dancer, foodie, social tech power-user and enjoy crossword puzzles .
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

Me: I'm happy, fun-loving and enjoy my life.
Them: You've never been married and you don't have any children.

As you can see, I'm living my life and not waiting for anyone or anything. No matter what I do or accomplish, seemingly, all that matters to them is "You've never been married and you don't have any children." The second "they" begin paying my mortgage, buying my food or start sending me on vacation, then I'll actually give a damn what "they" think.

I have a 52 yo girlfriend who won't wear a ring on her fourth finger because she is saving that finger for wedding ring...seriously. This mindset, saving or waiting for a husband before this or that is silly. Sisters, live your lives...stop waiting for anyone or anything.

On being a single Black woman

I'm not going to expound on this video, rather just offer a few insights from someone who's been where these women currently find themselves.

1. As startling as it may seem, single women are single by choice. Every decision we've made and its subsequent consequence has led us to this point in time. We may not want to admit it, but we must face it in order to learn and grow. We have to examine our relationship decisions, hopefully learning from them, and making better ones in the future.


2. Getting married is easy, being content and satisfied in the marriage is hard as hell. If all we want is to get married, have our day in the spotlight with the dress, flowers, gifts, reception, etc., then that can happen without much effort at all. However, if we want a contented and satisfying life, then we have to stop looking outside of ourselves at what we don't have and treasuring and nurturing the relationships we do have.


3. Throw whatever Man Qualifying Checklist you have in the trash. In our twenties, we all had the list: he had to be this tall, this complexion, work here, drive this, live there, go to this church, had attended this school, yada, yada, yada, plus be supportive, kind, loving, blah, blah, blah. As we got older, the list got shorter and the priorities began to shift. We have to focus on those qualities that truly define a person of character and forget the BS. No one's obituary has ever listed their credit score, the car they drove or how many suits they had.
   


4. Reality is a bitch. The truth of the matter is that many of my sistas and I may not ever get married. It is a hard, cold fact of life, and one that used to keep me up at night. We are social beings by nature and nurture; however, not being married should not stop us from living the best possible lives we can. No man (or woman) should ever have the power to determine the quality of our lives.


5. Finally, as a former choir director once said, "it is better to be single and want to be married, than to be married and want to be single." Amen! I know too many people in horrible marriages, he cheated, she lied, she's lazy, he's trifling and so on and so on and so on. Everyone hopes for the til death do us part, but the US divorce rate is 50%...the odds are not exactly with the house.

To my sistas, keep your heads held high, make smart choices and learn from your past, learn about yourself and live to your fullest.

What I learned in the Blizzard of 2009

From the Twitterverse:

@Neilochka It's cold. I want a woman in bed. Sorry. It's true.
My reply: @Neilochka I['m] right there w/ you...I want a man in my bed *sigh* singledom


I had a wonderful day yesterday. I had all of the necessities for surviving the Blizzard of 2009: food, alcohol, toilet paper and the internet. I cooked, drank, watched some DVDs and had a ball with my tweeps. And though I was alone, I wasn't lonely...until it was time to go to bed.

Thus, I find myself in conflict this morning, as someone who doesn't believe in regrets and the subsequent wouldas, shouldas or couldas of life.

• It would've been nice to have someone to snuggle up with, even though I'm not a cuddler per se.
  
• I could've put up with a little snoring in lieu of the deafening silence of the snow covered streets.
  
• Having someone to share my food and adult beverages with would've been fun.
  
• Maybe I should have called him, we would've kept each other company.

I don't like these feelings, the doubt, uneasiness and lack of confidence; generally being off my game. This ain't me. I'm intelligent, confident, and decisive...in other words, I am that woman. I've had these feelings for some time, and while most people probably haven't noticed, I haven't been at my best for about a year or so.

I have allowed people to bring confusion, drama and mess into my life, thus bringing me down. I don't blame them, they are being themselves. The responsibility of how these people have effected me rests completely on my shoulders...and I'm not taking it anymore. I am in control of me, my mind, my heart, my home...my life.

I am that woman...I am intelligent, confident, decisive, creative, strong and wonderfully made in my God's image.

My search for authenticity begins with me.

This is it...I'm done being what you want/expect me to be...I'm going to be who I am, if you don't like it, get over it or get to steppin'.